i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
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His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
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It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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