I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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