I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
