I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
