You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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