She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
