I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
