Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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