he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
