Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
