It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
