I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
