omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
