good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
