She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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