Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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