You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
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When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
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God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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