Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
