Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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