I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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