yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize