i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
