we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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