Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
