I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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