I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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