K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Oh god it's open bar.
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