Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Randomize
