guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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