Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
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Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
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Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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