I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
