so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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