Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize