Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
