Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize