when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
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He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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