Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
