Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
