They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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