it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
