Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
