i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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