Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
