i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Randomize
