girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
