I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
