You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
