I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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