I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
