i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
well you can't waste a boner
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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