So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
