Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
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I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Holy sore nipples Batman
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
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So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Oh god it's open bar.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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