On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
