I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
