How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
