So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
