And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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