That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
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